‘But what about you?’ He looked down at himself full of need, and then dropped his head back to the pillow closing his eyes. ‘I’ll take care of it later.’ I looked at him confused. Why had he stopped? Didn’t he want me anymore? ‘But why Hawk? Why can’t I take care of it for you?’ He opened his eyes, looking at me. ‘You really don’t know. You really don’t understand.’ ‘Understand what?’ ‘I won’t take you? I won’t do to you what he did. I won’t take you like he did. I won’t take you in the position he did. All that will do is cause you pain. I can’t bear to cause you more pain.’ I saw the pain in his eyes, the pain of holding back. The anguish of unfulfilled need, of wanting me but not willing to hurt me as Danny had done. I knew then that he still wanted me. He wanted me more then ever. That was the problem. ‘But this is causing you pain.’ I protested. He laughed sourly. ‘Yea well I’ll just deal with it. I won’t cause you pain again Crystal. It kills me to see you recoil from me in. Could you please help me?”“Well, giving an enema is a very intimate thing and I am not entirely sure …”“Come on. We shared some of our darkest secrets in the past.” I just remembered the time, when we crashed at her apartment after a night out of heavy drinking and waking up in the morning next to her in our underwear.“Are you really sure?” I asked.“I’ll bet you, you will be the perfect gentleman and will not taking advantage of the damsel in distress.” “OK.” Taking her hand and leading her into the adjacent bedroom.“Please get comfortable on the bed. I’ll prepare the bag.”She peeled herself out of the spandex pants and lied down on the bed. I came back with my Paris 3 qt bag on the IV stand. When I returned from the bath to fetch the tub of Vaseline, I found Andrea looking puzzled at the nozzle as she turned it in her hand. I had attached a black Victorian style douche nozzle. With a size of ¾ inch by 6 5/8 inches, it was not for the novice, but Andrea had previously discussed.
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